International Family Equality Day, Sunday, May 3
By Sister Cynthia Serjak
When I was young, I remember hearing about classmates who came from a “broken home.” The phrase was usually shared with a mixture of discretion, sadness and perhaps a bit of judgment. At the time, this label might have been helpful in that it sometimes allowed special care for children who were the victims of the “brokenness.” However, gradually the term “broken” became inadequate, even hurtful, as single parents described how their family was able to heal and become whole after the departure of a spouse—the person inflicting all kinds of abuse in a family. It was often a relief and presented the opportunity for a family to consider how it could live in a healthy, supportive way. Nevertheless, these families struggled to be recognized as real families, simply because they were configured differently than what was considered “traditional.”
International Family Equality Day (IFED) urges us to think about the many kinds of families that exist. Single parent families, families with two moms or two dads, families with LGBTQ+ parents and/or children, families supporting transgender members, all shape a new understanding of family.
It also asks us to consider how to define family in a way that reflects the realities of life around us. What is it that binds families together? What are the different ways love expresses itself? How are commitments being rethought as families change? How do our social and legal systems need to adapt to care for our families? To explore these questions and to help me better understand, I spoke with a middle school teacher who has observed the challenges that families can experience.
In our conversation, I was somewhat surprised to learn how early children may begin to question their identity, experiencing struggles, even suffering as they come to understand who they are. Often it is the teachers and classmates who notice that something is happening and become their first confidants. Too often children are afraid to talk with their parents for fear of rejection. Teachers and counselors can find themselves in the middle—wanting to help children while respecting parental rights. Families that are “very Catholic” can be the most difficult, believing in the strictly male/female distinction and holding that any attitude or activity that doesn’t match those distinctions is sinful. Stories of parents turning away, even disowning their children, raise difficult questions, especially as we have grown in our understanding of the complexities of gender. IFED was born in the hearts of LGBTQ+ families, their friends and allies, who are working for social and legal recognition of their families. However, the day invites us to consider the health of all families and their resilience when a family member reveals something surprising to them. Will the family embrace that person’s desire to live as the person that they know themselves to be? Can we be open to understand that God’s love extends to all God’s children?
As teachers, mentors, administrators, friends and family, we can educate ourselves about how families are finding their way through the complexities of this time. We can encourage families to embrace—even celebrate—the diversity of the human community. Our Institute Chapter, which calls to “love and abundant justice,” requires no less.